Missionary?

Yes. I’m still a missionary (just in Colorado instead of internationally.) I’ve been struggling to write this update. I’ve put it off for  5 months now. The fear of letting everyone down after coming home early and being a great disappointment has been so overwhelming, it hindered my ability to see truth. Satan is a crafty little bastard isn’t he? He knows just what buttons to push on me. I’ve attached so much of my value to what I do, and what others think of me that the thought of failing has become crippling. I’m so thankful for the people God has surrounded me with that tell me it’s going to be ok and see my potential and my identity in Christ (even, and especially when I can’t.)

Moving forward is scary. Leaving my protective YWAM bubble has been incredibly difficult and stepping into a leadership role is unnerving.. what if I fail? Ah, maybe it will be really good if I fail and God is still there – so I realize for real, He’s never going to leave me! Half of me knows this, half of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop. If only my halves would get on the same page! Ha! I know, I sound a little crazy. That’s ok, this is the season I’m in.

I am starting an internship in Pastoral Care Ministry at my home church. Let me tell you about my amazing church. This is the place that God rescued my heart and called me back into ministry after 13 years despite my moral failings. He came for my heart and I was invited to walk into my messy, painful, dirty, shame-filled story. That’s what we do here. We help people to walk into their stories. It’s not easy, it’s hard work, but God is gracious and gently brings healing. We have a lot of hurting and broken people at here. Which is where Pastoral Care comes in, where I come in.When my boss asked me into this months ago I hesitantly said ok, then totally flaked out. It was way too scary, a few more months after much encouragement and leading from God to jump in, I finally said yes.

Beyond my insecurities is a genuine concern. I will actually be counseling people and walking into their stories, places that are raw, broken, and hurting. There could be real ramifications if I screw up. Not at all scary or daunting!  I have been reading in Numbers and Deuteronomy – The Israelites didn’t possess the promised land because of fear, instead wandered through the desert. Wow, God so clearly showed me my fear to walk into this, idols in my life I need to remove, and that I should go possess the land.“And you shall take possession of the land and settle in it, for I have given the land to you to possess it.” Numbers‬ ‭33:53‬ ‭ESV‬  (awesome passage of scripture)

Rescuing the hearts of people is messy, painful, and hard work, but worthwhile! So, here I go. Jumping all in and trusting Dad to not only catch me when I fall, but to work through me, because let’s be honest the only thing I have to give people is Him… of course that’s all anyone needs anyway right?


PRAYER NEEDS: Please keep me in prayer. God is doing amazing things here and the enemy is fighting us every step of the way. The spiritual warfare is intense and it keeps us where we belong – completely dependent upon God! We need your prayers! Please pray for unity in our team, wisdom to work on what God is calling us to-not jumping ahead, to keep our hearts soft and sensitive to the working of the Holy Spirit and to be quick to follow Jesus’ lead!
SUPPORT: Just like when I was part of YWAM I have to raise all my own support. The reason behind this: our church is on the front lines. We are constantly outgrowing our giving here and much of our congregation are still learning about or are unable to tithe. The need for Pastoral Care here is very real, unfortunately our budget doesn’t cover all the needed staff, so we have many volunteers.  If you feel led by God, (guilted into it by my awesome letter-ha), or really believe in what God is doing in/through me here at Discovery, I would be honored if you would support me. 

FINANCIAL NEEDS:
Besides normal monthly expenses~$500, I also have a specific needs coming up.
$300 x 2 – Counseling courses. $200 – property taxes for my house.